Rex 'n' Roll Dot Come

the babe with the power.

2010-08-18T07:23:00.000-04:00

Voodoo Doughnuts is your 24 hour spot for wackadoo doughnut flavors like triple chocolate penetration, maple blazer blunt, and the old dirty bastard.

It also has 2 creepy owners that are licensed to perform your next marriage in house.

various locations including:
22 SW 3rd Avenue
Portland Oregon
http://voodoodoughnut.com/

winner, winner, mexi dinner.

2010-08-16T13:43:00.001-04:00

Aqui Cal-Mex, you had me at the Industrial Strength Margarita.
You continued to woo me with your Adobo Organic Tofu Tortilla Roll up.
It became officially with your Sangria Swirl cocktail.

I would take it up the butt for you.

1145 Lincoln Ave
San Jose, CA 95125
(408) 995-0381
http://www.aquicalmex.com/

Bill.

2010-08-16T13:30:00.001-04:00

hip presidents.

Films.

Comedians who invent black, morbidly obese teen cartoon characters.

Brunch places in San Jose where you can pick between bread pudding french toast, cookies and cream pancakes, or giant cinnamon rolls.

Plus fun booze drinks that mix tequila, kahlua, and coffee.
Heaven in a cup!
Bill's Cafe closes by 3 pm, so get on it.

various locations including:
1115 Willow St
San Jose, CA 95125
http://www.billscafe.com/

iCream, uCream...

2010-08-05T12:07:00.001-04:00

We all cream for customized dessert blends.

I got a hot tip from Ms Darian Darling about a must visit Chicago creamery. The precious empire crew LURVE their frozen non fat dessert treats. And iCream takes their beloved pinkberry/red mango/tasti-d-lites and tosses its salad... cookies....not of this earth chemical derivative constitution.

At iCream you can pick a base from regular ice cream, lite ice cream, organic ice cream, soy ice cream, frozen yogurt, and sorbet and have your way with it. Add candy, fruit, nuts, food coloring, whatevs. Then they use liquid nitrogen to turn it into your own personal ice cream OR hot pudding. Say what? SCIENCE. Not just for getting high anymore.

1537 N Milwaukee Ave

Chicago, IL 60622
http://www.icreamcafe.com/

Chubbs

2010-08-01T23:36:00.000-04:00

Chubbys is the only place in Kansas City to get macaroni and cheese wedges mixed with sweet potato fries at all hours of the night.
It is open always, except for Monday nights.
I assume that is because of Gossip Girl and the power of Chuck Bass.

3756 Broadway St
Kansas City, MO 64111 (816) 931-2482

www.chubbysonbroadway.com

Swagger

2010-07-29T10:05:00.001-04:00

Once upon a time a tattoo artist decided to open a bar that serves delicious food. He named it after a Flogging Molly CD. He classified tempura battered vegetables as a "light" menu option. He invented "the dead texan" which involves a hamburger with bacon stuffed in between 2 grilled cheese sandwiches. The crazy fat man from the food network goes there and eats it.

8431 Wornall Rd.
Kansas City, MO 64114
816-361-438
http://swaggerkc.com/wordpress/

Justin loves waffles

2010-07-27T09:22:00.000-04:00

Waffle Brothers imports a special nib sugar from Belgium. Plus, they have light versions of all their waffle creations.
Neat.

393 Corona St.
Denver, CO
866-923-3532
http://www.wafflebrothers.com/

24/7/365

2010-07-27T09:12:00.001-04:00

Nothing is better at 4 AM than a loud, bright diner that is blaring songs by Little Richard.
Great Scotts Eatery gives you all that, plus pie.

1551 Cortez St.
Denver, CO
303-428-3558
www.greatscottseatery.com/

fat people know stuff

2010-07-24T05:18:00.001-04:00

like where to go for breakfast.

I was watching the Food Network and came across a program where a large "police officer" went around the country and ate.

Basically, my idea of viewing utopia. I am pretty sure Sir Thomas More referenced it. I will have to double check.

My fat detective took a trip to Houston and feasted at The Breakfast Klub. It contains weirdo menu items such as green eggs and ham, crawfish fettucini, and the BALT. Plus, like omelets and stuff.....
3711 Travis Street
Houston, TX 77002-9505
(713) 528-8561
www.thebreakfastklub.com/

For Stevy

2010-07-24T05:03:00.000-04:00

Would you like some Japanese tapestries or perhaps a thomas the tank engine chop stick set?
FIT is a gigantic store stocked with all things Asian.
Get ready for a major hello kitty epileptic seizure.

9889 Bellaire Blvd.
Suite 251
Houston, TX 77036
www.fitjpstore.com

Dreams

2010-07-22T10:20:00.001-04:00

My Dream:

P. Diddy's Dream:

The Dream Cafe:

Eclectic restaurant known for its delicious breakfast options, including "cloud cakes" and the "you're so vegan" omelet. They also have awesome lunch and dinner options, with plenty of healthy and veggie choices.

2800 Routh St
Ste 170
Dallas, TX 75201
www.thedreamcafe.com

Bzzz

2010-07-22T08:05:00.001-04:00

Buzzbrews is a 24 hour diner with two locations in Dallas that serve a bitchin' all day breakfast.

I really have nothing funny to follow up on this. I am currently watching an ABC family film and very distracted.

4154 N Central Expy
Dallas, TX 75204

4334 Lemmon Avenue,
Dallas, TX 75219

www.buzzbrews.com

it's fro-yo, y'all.

2010-07-22T07:41:00.001-04:00

Nothing says Texas better than japanese frozen yogurt

Natsumi has won a bunch of awards in Dallas for being extra delicious. Besides the healthy asian taste sensation, the shop also offers lots o' gelato.

2323 North Henderson Avenue
Dallas, TX 75206-8379
(214) 823-1707
http://www.natsumiusa.com/

We're going to eat gas

2010-07-21T08:11:00.000-04:00

Texas to me will always be about one thing: gas stations.

My love of the pump has grown exponentially since reading about some gaseteria hot spots in Dallas. Fuel City is a 24 hour truck stop and drive-thru beer store that features live steer, a swimming pool, bikini-clad girls, and a taco stand. The epitome of a hick hipster haven.
801 S Industrial Blvd
Dallas, TX 75207
(214) 426-0011

Mixing trash with class, Chef Point Cafe is both a gas station and upscale New American restaurant. Owner Franson Nwaeze is a Nigerian immigrant turned classically trained gourmet chef who offers a diverse menu that serves everything from chicken and waffles to escargot. And apparently mind blowing bread pudding with Cognac sauce.

5901 Watauga Road,
Watauga, Tex
(817) 656-0080

www.chefpointcafe.org

Boxed Wine!

2010-07-18T15:59:00.000-04:00

Edna's is a a dive bar whose specialty drink is called a lunchbox: a tempting combination of Coors Light, OJ & amaretto. The only wine they have comes in a box and their haute cuisine menu involves fried pickles. This is the only place for Cole ever.

5137 N Classen Blvd
Oklahoma City, OK 73118

(405) 840-3339

www.ednasokc.com

healthy still means drunk to me.

2010-07-18T15:43:00.000-04:00

Did you know that vegan Okies existed??
105 degrees restaurant is proof.
Their menu looks super awesome, and I am not just saying that because 2/3 of it is booze.
I am also saying it because they have pie.

5820 North Classen Boulevard, Suite 1
Oklahoma City, OK 73118
www.105degrees.com

Mexi-CAN

2010-07-18T15:27:00.000-04:00

I love a chain. Enormous portions, special theme cocktails, wait staff that have to wear obnoxious uniforms.

Chelino's is your run of the mill mexican chain restaurant that boasts a huge menu, an outdoor patio, and unlimited free chips and salsa. And never underestimate the nutritional benefits of a dinner of salsa and diet coke.
5900 N May Ave
Oklahoma City, OK 73112

Ted's Cafe Escondido is a slightly more authentic Mexican restaurant.
I say slightly, as it still serves a fried chicken dinner. Which I RESPECT.

It also has a website with a catchy jingle.
2836 NW 68TH St
Oklahoma City, OK 73116
http://www.tedscafe.com/

boobs.

2010-07-18T15:01:00.000-04:00

The reviews of the Red Dog Cafe strip club indicate the space is reminiscent of a Quentin Tarantino movie. This endorsement, along with the fact that it is a place where you get to see boobies, makes me feel pretty confident it deserves an SPW visit.

6417 NW 10th St Btwn MacArthur & Rockwell
Oklahoma City, OK 73127
Phone: (405) 789-2712

get wet.

2010-07-18T14:49:00.001-04:00

Water Parks. The cause of great debate on the fun scale
Upside: White Water Bay has a ride called "The Mega Wedgie"
Downside: screaming babies with snots and droopy diapers.
Dealbreaker: the chance of seeing a fat person get stuck in the "Big Kahuna"

3908 W Reno Ave
Oklahoma City, OK 73107
www.whitewaterbay.com/

Balls.

2010-07-16T08:14:00.000-04:00

Rooster has been voted the best place to have brunch in St. Louis. This may have to do with the kick ass menu which features breakfast burritos, omelets, and sweet crepes including s'mores and peanut butter cup. Or maybe it's because of the funny name that reminds people of cock.

1104 Locust Street
St. Louis, MO 63102
http://roosterstl.com/

Good Things.

2010-07-16T07:58:00.000-04:00

Baileys Chocolate Bar in St Louis is a fat, alcoholic girls dream come true. Open till 1 AM, it serves desserts, pizzas, specialty chocolate cocktails, and champagne. Plus, cheese.

1915 Park, In Lafayette Square
St. Louis, MO 63104
http://www.baileyschocolatebar.com/

my happy place

2010-07-14T05:39:00.001-04:00

When i close my eyes, the first thing I picture is fat people in leggings.

Then, I think about a place in Cleveland that is open till 2 AM, serves chocolate pizza, baked brie, and flights of champagne. Which happens to be called D'Vine Wine Bar. Divine? Hello, full circle.

836 W Saint Clair Ave
Cleveland, OH 44113
http://dvinewinebar.com/index.html

manger à Montréal

2010-06-27T23:37:00.000-04:00

What is better than 24 hours of fried potato, cheese curds, and gravy?

The answer to that question is always Amanda Bynes and peanut butter cups.

Resto La Banquise is a forever open spot to satisfy your late night cravings for omelets and poutines.

No, not him.

Different.

994 Rue Rachel E
Montréal, QC H2J 2J3

www.restolabanquise.com/

Oeuf.

2010-06-27T22:58:00.001-04:00

oh those French Canadians.So clever.
Case in point, Eggspectations Dejeuner & Cafe.
If you like your brunch, with a heavy dose of puns this is your stop.

This is also your stop if you like 8 million kinds of egg dishes and a place that has its own jingle.
Lots of locations, such as:
Boul De Maisonneuve O
Montreal, QC H3G 2R9
http://www.eggspectations.com/canada_eng/html/home.html

Intermission

2010-06-17T17:36:00.000-04:00

Posting has been halted during the brief tour hiatus, but will get back to its regularly scheduled mayhem once the US leg of the Monster Ball commences.

In the mean time, have you ordered this yet??

its eatin' time

2010-06-02T07:04:00.003-04:00

Semi Precious Weapons generally have 2 meal times:
1. late night after a show, when they have built up a ravenous force field of hunger from tossing each other around on stage.

Cole will eat your baby if it is wrapped in a tortilla.

2. whenever they wake up in the mid afternoon hours.

For the late night dining in manchester, why not go a little fancy? The Living Room offers small plates, salads, steaks, fish, and a selection of home comfort foods. It also has a whole section devoted to puddings and they keep a pianist on call. Win!

80 Deansgate
Manchester M3 2ER
http://www.thelivingroom.co.uk/

Potters Bar & Kitchen is a chain of American comfort food restaurants ideal for brunch time eats. I like it cause the menu is real colorful and I will always judge a book by its cover. They have a wide range of food from omelets, pizzas, salads, burgers, and something called a fish pie. Totes American.

114-116 The Orient
The Trafford Centre,
Manchester, Lancashire M17 8EH,
www.pottersbarkitchen.co.uk

Bar 38 says they are the place to be in Manchester. They offer wraps salads, panini sandwiches, and most exciting: buffets. I always agree a buffet is a place to be….for sight seeing.

Great Northern Warehouse, Peter Street
Manchester. M2 5G
manchester.bar38.co.uk/

Panama Hatty’s is a caribbean meets tex-mex type of joint with fun drinks to boot. They have an ass huge menu with things like burritos for Cole, chicken salad for Jimmy, and hatty’s veggie patty for Dan. Plus champagne cocktails. Bringing the people together. One Love.

43a Brown Street
Manchester M2 2JJ
www.panama-hatties.co.uk

Fabulosity

2010-05-31T10:36:00.001-04:00

I can always count on Kimora Lee Simmons. She says the only store that matters in England is Harrods. Much like Kimora, Harrods department store is loud, over the top, and, um, really huge.

It is the largest department store in the world, with over one million square feet of selling space and holds the motto ‘Omnia Omnibus Ubique’ (All Things for All People).
Kimora has some mottos too.
I have assembled a list of some of my favorite quotes from Ms. Fabulosity herself:

"I wear fur and if somebody throws shit on me I'm gonna whup your ass! I wish somebody would throw shit on me"

"I feel very Anna Nicole Smith right now. Rest in peace her beautiful soul. She likes pink, I like pink."

“they used to call me chinky giraffe."

"oh no honey, i don't fast. the only thing fast about me is how fast i eat."

"i don't like green nothing except for money"

"I will beat a bitch's ass"

87-135 Brompton Road
London SW1X 7XL
www.harrods.com

Doppel-gang-her

2010-05-30T12:14:00.000-04:00

The Diner and The Breakfast Club are basically two more prayers answered, all-day breakfast, burgers, and french fries joints. They are not 24 hours, but do include impressive boozy beverage selections. The Diner even has spiked shakes. Resisting impulse...must focus on doppelgangers..

Diner
128 Curtain Rd
London EC2A 3AQ
http://www.goodlifediner.com

Breakfast Club
2-4 Rufus Street
London N1 6PE
www.thebreakfastclubsoho.com/

eat waffles at night.

2010-05-30T11:05:00.000-04:00

Hi. Want a restaurant that is open 24 hours? Want it to serve Mexican food, Chinese food, breakfast food, vegetarian food, and also have a specialized menu section called “meat fest”? Tinseltown diner fits the bill. Oh, and guess what?
THEY HAVE MILKSHAKES

44-46 St. John Street
London EC1, United Kingdom
www.tinseltown.co.uk

Brit Brunch

2010-05-29T18:55:00.001-04:00

Jacks secret to success: the owner is half American. Or maybe it’s the all day breakfast. Or the bottomless cup of coffee. Or the back patio. Actually, its probably the milkshakes. Really, I just wanted to use this Lohan sisters picture again.

Jack’s
101 Salusbury Road
London NW6 6NH
www.jacks-cafe.com

The Automat American Brasserie reminds me of Relish in Brooklyn. Because they call it a NY diner and they serve macaroni and cheese. I am not a tough sell.
33 Dover Street
W1S 4NF London
www.automat-london.com

I love a place that serves Bloody Marys by the jug. The Ambassador offers a diverse brunch menu including waffles, omelets, and duck breasts. Yes, they have organic muesli and fruit salad, but lets focus on the ice cream with red wine sauce and the bacon sandwiches. RIP my british soul sisters.

55 Exmouth Market
LONDON EC1R 4Q
http://www.theambassadorcafe.co.uk/

Quick Veg.

2010-05-29T09:26:00.003-04:00

InSPiral is an all healthy-like café that serves vegan food. They use ingredients like spelt and guarana. Delicious! They have music in the nighttime and champagne, which is all I really care about.
250 Camden High Street, Camden,
London NW1 8QS, United Kingdom
http://www.inspiralled.net/

Manna is the UK’s oldest vegetarian fine dining restaurant. It is super fancy, so you should call ahead for a table. Their menu looks like a wet dream. Or what I imagine a wet dream would look like. I don’t do that. They have liqueur ice cream!!

4 Erskine Road
NW3 3AJ London
www.manna-veg.com

Saf is a super hip raw food restaurant. They are also known for their innovative organic cocktails. Funny story, my old roommate works here as the mixologist. We don’t actually speak anymore, (2005 was not my best year), but he makes kick ass drinks. And isn’t that all that matters in these troubling times? Booze.

152-154 Curtain Road
EC2A 3AT London
www.safrestaurant.co.uk

Dead Things.

2010-05-29T01:33:00.002-04:00

Taxidermy is hot. That seems to be the line of thought for the proprietors of Lounge Lover. This opulent cocktail bar is bathed in drapery, flaming torches, chandeliers, and dead stuffed animals. Their menu is full of decadent drinks….and sushi. Personally, I have not touched sushi since 2008. I do not want to talk about it. Just a quick FYI - try not to mix diet pills, champagne, Enviga energy beverages, and piles of wasabi. Because you tweek out and then almost die.

1 Whitby Street
Shadwell, London E1 6JU
www.lestroisgarcons.com

A look back.

2010-05-28T13:43:00.002-04:00

Last night, I was reflecting on travel destinations that allow dreams to become a reality.

In other words, I was drunk.

When I look back on the places I have visited, only one location stands out as my hub of fantasy fulfillment.

Naturally, I am talking about Texas.

Last year, I went on the road with SPW for SXSW and experienced so many profound moments of joyful discovery, it was like I had just been pushed out of my mom's gine. Before I focus on London, I just wanted to quickly highlight some of the best moments Texas had to offer (or at least the ones that I can legally post online)

Juliette Lewis seizure on stage.

Life hero: fat kid from Boy meets World.

Justin does Dallas. (actually it was Houston, but Dallas is funnier)

Discovering champagne in a can. Sitting in a Jacuzzi in the middle of my hotel room.

Rachel Ray does barnyard fashion.

Self Explanatory Items.

But perhaps the most poignant moment came when I discovered a place that allows me to purchase all my necessities for living in one convenient location: cheap champagne, powerade zero, and Advil PM. What is this mythical Shangri-la of Krissy life essentials? Texas gas stations.

They also offer boiled peanuts.

London Phoning

2010-05-28T11:56:00.000-04:00

I take it back.

2010-05-27T09:01:00.001-04:00

Cookieshake is actually the spot where I dream about Kate Moss chowing down. It is the milkshake mecca with flavors ranging from Haribo to Tic Tac Lime. Plus non-gross sounding ones like kit kat peanut butter and chocolate cheesecake. They also have a selection of other yummy items like cookies, doughnuts, and (for pussies) smoothies. Plus, there is one in Nottingham and one in Birmingham, so SPW can make two stops!! Which they would TOTALLY do if they loved me. And take pictures.

14 Upper Parliament Street
Nottingham
NG1 2AD

The Bullring (West Mall, Level 2)
Birmingham
B5 4BU
www.cookieshake.com

Pierce that Pagoda.

2010-05-26T02:07:00.000-04:00

I am from jersey. We give good mall. Shannon understands.

I was pleased as punch to see that Nottingham has its very own mall. My favorite part of the Victoria Centre is the blending of cultures. They have a KFC and a Top Shop on the same floor. And in my dreams they have Kate Moss eating at KFC.

222, Victoria Centre,
Nottingham NG1 3Q
www.victoriacentre.uk.com

turkey legs

2010-05-25T10:53:00.001-04:00

i figured this was how people in England ate.

But apparently they have this place called Alley Cafe Bar. Which has hemp burgers. and all day breakfast. and cheesecake. AND BOOZE. also, art exhibits and DJ sets. Cause that is how vegans roll.

This is how Whitney rolls

Cannon Court,
1a Smithy Row, Nottingham NG1 6JE
http://www.alleycafe.co.uk/

to Nottingham.

2010-05-25T10:00:00.000-04:00

Huh.

2010-05-23T18:57:00.000-04:00

Listen, I am going to be honest. I was just going to skip over this German leg. I am extremely ignorant and have never heard of these cities. Plus, there is like 10 hours of Lost on tonight.

Imagine my surprise when I did a quick google search of Dusseldorf and found it basically had the best shopping in the world. It was similar to the shock I felt when I realized Brooke Hogan does not in fact have a penis. Nor does Serena Williams!! The jury is still out on Chyna.

Königsallee, or “Ko”, is a boulevard that rivals the Champs-Élysées. It is brimming with designer boutiques, cafes, arcades, and shopping malls. Some stand out places include Sevens, with 7 floors of shopping grouped in themes under a glass ceiling, and KÖ-Galerie which houses over 130 specialized stores. The Ko is also known as a spot to be “seen”, so get your tits out.

Königsallee
40212 Düsseldorf, German
www.sevens.de
www.koegalerie.com

French Women Don’t Get Fat

2010-05-20T09:14:00.000-04:00

Sigh.
Well, if I lived in France, that is the first thing I would change.

One of the Parisian institutions doing my jesus work is Ladurée. It is described as the “Tiffany’s of desserts.” Sure, they have lots of things like salads and asparagus omelets, but that’s merely a smokescreen. What you need to focus on is the SEVEN pages of dessert offerings. This tea salon is most famous for its macarons, which come in a ridiculous amount of flavors and pretty, pretty colors. (ps- these are not the kind of macaroons Jewish people talk about). They even invented a double-decker macaron, which is just bitchin’.

16 Rue Royale
75008 Paris, France
(1 of multiple locations)
http://www.laduree.fr/

Proud Mary.

2010-05-19T02:20:00.000-04:00

The only boat I have been on is the Staten Island Ferry. You can drink beer on it and it smells a little like pee. But it gives an awesome view of the city and it feels like an adventure. There are a bunch of river tours and cruise options in Paris where you can have lunch, dinner, parties, a baby…whatever floats your touristy boat. One of the most convenient choices is the Batobus. It makes 8 stops (the Eiffel Tower, Musée d'Orsay, Saint-Germain-des-Prés, Notre Dame, the Jardin des Plantes, Hôte de Ville, the Louvre, and the Champs-Elysées) and generally departs every 15 minutes. I have no knowledge of the odor.
(8 locations throughout Paris)
http://batobus.com/

le shop till you morte

2010-05-19T00:02:00.001-04:00

Mode du Vue has got your really expensive vintage and/or designer sunglasses bases covered. I never really understood the concept of sunglasses, unless you were blind or high. But that might have something to do with my “inside good, outside bad” philosophy.
53, Rue Turenne
75003 Paris, France
http://www.modedevue.com/

Take a pilgrimage to the first department store in the world, le Bon Marche. Check out the designer clothes, beauty products, or the rotating exhibits on the bottom level. Or just chillax in the cafes and soak up the architecture. It was designed by the same guy who did that big tower everyone goes to in Paris.
38 Rue de Sèvres
75007 Paris, France
www.lebonmarche.com

If it is Friday, you should head over to the Galeries Lafayette, a sweeping 10-story fancy pants department store. They hold fashion shows every 30 minutes. I love a mall show.
40 Boulevard Haussmann
75009 Paris, France
www.galerieslafayette.com

The Kooples is a new line created by the Elisha brothers that is described as “London rocker with a Parisian twist.” They are trying to corner the interchangeable mens/womens/ unisex clothing market. Their recent ad campaign featured couples in matching clothes. Which to me, indicates we have the same life inspiration.

Think # 191, rue Saint-Honoré (1 of 6 locations)
75001 Paris www.thekooples.com/

Speak American.

2010-05-18T11:44:00.002-04:00

Meow, meow.... appreciating other cultures...meow, meow... expanding your horizons... meow, meow... not being a self-centered, arrogant, ignorant American.

Sometimes you just want to eat food that will not give you diarrhea.

Known as the birthplace of the Bloody Mary, Harry’s New York was the hotspot for 20th century powerhouse celebs like Hemingway and Roosevelt. Besides the canned tomato juice concoction, Harry’s also invented the Sidecar, French 75s, and currently houses over 300 types of whiskey. Personally, I can house many Bloody Mary's through my penis straw.

5, Rue Daunou
75002 2ème Arrondissement Paris
harrysbar.fr

Brick walls and burgers. Joe Allen’s offers up hearty American grub amidst the old school NY themed décor. Listen to the jukebox while enjoying sweet potato fries, quesadillas, or something egg-y off the all day brunch menu. Plus, there is champagne. Thank god.
30, Rue Pierre Lescot
75001 1er Arrondissement Paris, Paris, France
www.joeallenparis.com

Another spot for all day breakfast is the oh so cleverly titled Breakfast in America. With two locations, omelets and veggie burgers are never too far away in this ode to the American diner. Lots and lots of delicious normal food.

4, Rue Malher
75004 Paris, Paris, France

17, Rue des Ecoles
75005 5ème Arrondissement Paris
http://www.breakfast-in-america.com/main/

Or you could go to mcdonalds.

The French Roast of France

2010-05-18T09:02:00.000-04:00

In NYC, we ended most nights at French Roast. It was a fine place to land at 4:30 AM, drunk and ready to consume a meal. When searching for the equivalent in Paris, all cyber-roads pointed to Le Tambour, a bistro that serves French Cuisine until sunrise (a rarity in this neck of the woods). Speaking of necks, this is France. They do serve lots of weird and saucy meat products. However, cheese plates and french fries are ubiquitous. BTW- le tambour means drum in paris speak.

41 Rue Montmartre
75002 Paris, France

Paris est pour les amoureux

2010-05-18T08:04:00.003-04:00

My inspiration for the next flurry of blogs:

Because nothing says romance like Billy Crystal in film.

Doing it Dutch.

2010-05-15T14:55:00.003-04:00

Wanna see mannequins that move and squirt? No, not Kim Cattrall. The Amsterdam Sex Museum is the oldest and most popular sex museum in the world. This place is off the hook. With theme rooms like the “Mata Hari” and the “Oscar Wilde”, the museum combines rich historically significant artifacts with theme park attractions. Case in point, wax figure of Marilyn Monroe with air constantly being pumped up her cooch.

Damrak 18
1012 LH Amsterdam
sexmuseumamsterdam.nl

Imbibing.

2010-05-15T02:53:00.004-04:00

Amsterdam has no shortage of venues to get your drink on, but only two bars seemed like natural fits for SPW: a champagne bar and a dirty rock club.

Bubbles & Wines is a fancy schmancy wine bar where you get to have flights of champagne while nibbling on caviar and parmesan drizzled with white-truffle infused honey.
Nes 37
1012 KC Amsterdam,
www.bubblesandwines.com

Described as a 'spit and sawdust' rock pub, Café Soundgarden is a spot where you can enjoy a kickass juke box, occasional live music, pinball machines, and a drink while you contemplate the evolution of Chris Cornell. Coincidentally, Soundgarden is reuniting for Lollapalooza 2010, where they will share the lineup with none other than SPW. 90’s glamour is back.
Marnixstraat 164-166
1016 TG Amsterdam
http://www.cafesoundgarden.nl/

Brunchin'

2010-05-14T16:21:00.006-04:00

Semi Precious Weapons meal of choice is bunch. Like the band, it encourages sleeping late and drinking champagne in the daytime. Amsterdam is not exactly known for their brunches, but I managed to scrounge up a couple places that look promising.

MSNBC voted Café Luxembourg "Best Brunch in Amsterdam." They seem to believe a solid reason for such an award is the superior selection of international newspapers that the restaurant provides. While I prefer reasons like a mimosa trough with sippy straws, Café Luxembourg is supposed to offer delicious breakfast plates and coffee.
Spui 24
1012 Amsterdam, Netherlands
www.cafeluxembourg.nl

Normally a sports café would not be the obvious choice for SPW. However, upon looking at the Satellite Sports Café’s website, it seems to hold certain assets that would be appealing to some of the band members.

Besides a classy advertisement campaign, the restaurant also offers up huge portions of foods such as eggs, fish and chips, veggie burgers and their famous “create your own topping” pancakes. These toppings can range from tuna to ice cream to (most exciting) liquor. Given its title, the café also provides “more sports on tv than you can handle.”
Leidseplein 11
1017 PS Amsterdam, Netherlands
www.satellitesportscafe.nl

Enjoy pad thai or a grilled cheese at Wolvenstraat Restaurant. Soak up the 1970s love pad vibe and soak down a vodka tonic. Also, they have a cat.
Wolvenstraat 23
1016 EN Amsterdam
wolvenstraat.hyves.nl

Apple pie and free wifi.
Louter’s
De Clercqstraat 82
1052 NK Amsterdam
www.cafelouter.nl/

Nether lands.

2010-05-13T23:27:00.009-04:00

One of the main touristy-like attractions in Arnhem is the Netherlands Open-Air Museum. They have some cool exhibits like a colorful parade of regional costumes from the past 200 years. There is also 'Bier is dranck voor alleman' (‘Beer is a drink for everyone’) where you get to see how beer was brewed over the centuries and then given to the childrens to drink.

The real draw is that the museum is one of those fucked up places where they hire actors to pretend they are living in the dutch countryside. You can interact with farmers and millers and fisherman, who will sometimes even ask you to assist them with their duties. These type of people creep me out hardcore.

Its like the Medieval Times restaurant gone horribly wrong.

However, I do think it would be pretty awesome to see Justin and the blacksmith collaborate on some new metal looks for Fetty.

Schelmseweg 89 • 6816 SJ Arnhem
http://www.openluchtmuseum.nl/en/pid/412/home

The Eco-FRIENDLIEST

2010-05-13T07:58:00.003-04:00

Blue balls meet green living at the Maison d’Envie, or “House of Desire.” Thanks to a forward thinking owner, this Berlin brothel now offers discounts to customers who can prove they arrived by bike or public transportation. Simply show the receptionist either a bicycle helmet, padlock or bus ticket. You are then given a €5 discount for every 15-minutes of a sex session. The brothel employs 12 lovely prostitutes and maintains a loyal and diverse clientele, including an 86 year old man! Must be all that green living. Keeps ‘em frisky.
Danzigerstraße 61
10435 Berlin
http://www.danziger61.de/

Nautical Berlin

2010-05-13T02:48:00.004-04:00

Wanna swim in a recycled river cargo container while drunk?
I got you.
Der Badeschiff provides hipster bathing fun year-round with a heated pool, saunas, hammocks, beach bar, and an after sundown night club. Its all artsy too, with award-winning architecture, which hopefully will stifle what seems like a surefire recipe for public pool pee.
Eichenstrasse 4
12435 Berlin
www.arena-berlin.de/

Correct Berlin

2010-05-12T13:47:00.005-04:00

From now on, I refuse to shop anywhere unless it has 7 floors of designer labels, lobster displays, a caviar and champagne bar, and a super funny looking name. So I guess that means the only place I will ever shop at again is KaDeWe. (And probably also Walmart, cause i have to get my Advil PM and Powerade Zero somewhere.)
Tauentzienstrasse 21-24
10789 Berlin
http://www.kadewe.de/

Eat Berlin

2010-05-11T04:24:00.008-04:00

If Semi Precious Weapons were to have a comfort food, it would be Mexican. None of the band members are actually Chicano, but I am pretty sure Cole is partly made of burritos. Justin has been known to eat a meal entirely made out of salsa. When I learned of the only mini food empire in Berlin serving authentic Mexican food, it was a shoe-in for the list. When I also learned that Maria Peligro displays tiny wrestling figurines in their restaurant, I knew Jesus was real. Or Cole made a deal with el diablo.
Skalitzer Strasse 81
10997 Berlin
http://www.maria-peligro.com/mp/home.html

White Trash Fast Food, you had me at hello. I can and will judge a book by its cover. The two massive gold plated Chinese lions that flank your entryway reveals we have a similar design aesthetic- one that focuses on decorations that serve no purpose other than to be tacky. The giant cardboard cutout latte that frames my bed (stolen for me by Justin from a dunkin donuts in the west village) is proof positive of that. The fact that you are an amalgamation of concert venue/bar/restaurant/movie theater/tattoo shop that serves veggie burgers and nachos is really just icing on the kitschy cake.
Schönhauser Allee 6/7
10119 Berlin, Germany
whitetrashfastfood.com

Café Morgenrot.
Delicious vegan brunch sitch with punk music background.
Kastanienallee 85
10435 Berlin, Germany
www.cafe-morgenrot.de

Now lets talk about kittens.

2010-05-10T23:12:00.005-04:00

The inside of my head currently contains a lookbook of lascivious images involving German dungeons and bondage chambers. I need to do a real quick mental floss. I have to go to my happy place. My happy place involves you getting fat.

Cupcake is a charming little bakery full of calorically tempting confections, whose crowning achievement is the little individual joy bombs for which it was named. Each baked good holds an adorable moniker, such as “pretty in pink” or “fantasy island.” The bakery also offers a large selection of vegan treats, which I know is Dan’s Achilles’ heel. Bwahaha. The owner is actually a blonde MAC makeup artist from the US. Which means she is practically family.

Krossener Straße 12
10245 Berlin, Germany
http://www.cupcakeberlin.de/

Berlin After Dark.

2010-05-10T11:33:00.016-04:00

If you have a baby, cover their eyes
(ps- you have a baby? gross.)

This blog is about to delve into a taboo subject glamorized for the screen by such sexual pioneers as Tom Cruise and Dolly Parton.

Listen, I've seen things. Have you ever been to the Motherfucker party on Halloween? My eyes are still burning. Don’t get me started on trying to go pee at SBNY. Penises flying everywhere. But while catching a covert bang sitch in NYC may not be too out of the ordinary, it is nothing compared to the activities in what has been voted the “worlds most fetish friendly city.”

Since it seems pervy behavior is a huge aspect of Berlin’s culture (there is actually an adult section in the official city guide ), I decided to highlight a couple sex clubs for the members of SPW who would be down for a trip (which I am guessing is at least half). Please note that dress codes are common, so kink it up big time.

One of the most famous venues in Berlin is the historic KitKat Club, which was opened by Austrian pornographic film maker Simon Thaur. The venue has three dance floors and an outdoor area with a pool. The motto of the club is: "Do what you want but stay in communication." Hmmm, not the most catchy choice.
Köpenicker Straße 76
10179 Berlin
http://www.kitkatclub.org/Home/Club/Index.html

If you aim for a slightly more upscale and fashion forward sex club, take a trip to Insomnia. Inside you will find a hot tub, showers, multiple playrooms, dance floors, mattress areas, and even a few examination chairs. The club is run by the dominatrix Dominique, who enforces strict rules on her patrons. My personal favorite is number three: please be clean, showered and good smelling!
No one likes a smelly swinger.
Alt Tempelhof 17 - 19
12099 Berlin
http://www.insomnia-berlin.de/

Up Next: Berlin.

2010-05-09T11:58:00.001-04:00

Drink Stockholm

2010-05-08T09:37:00.001-04:00

SPW likes to party- whether it be in a dirty rock club soaking in jack daniels or at an all exclusive VIP lounge soaking in champagne. So to recap: anyplace that holds the opportunity to be sopping with alcohol is a win.

“Sweden’s most exclusive nightclub”, Café Opera boasts an absurdly long list of celebrity clientele including life heroes Celine Dion, Madonna, Britney Spears, Samantha Fox, and Anna Nicole Smith (RIP).

It was obvious to me that Justin Tranter must be included with such an impressive array of blondes. This opulent club is housed in Stockholm’s Opera House, complete with ceilings that are bathed in crystal chandeliers and Sistene Chapel-like frescoes.
Operahuset, Kungstradgarden
Stockholm 111 86
www.cafeopera.se

Trendy, intimate, and stylish are the recurring words used to describe The Sky Bar. To prove it, their website has an image of a cat dressed up in a pink nurses uniform with flashing eyeballs
Birger Jarlsgatan 20
11434 Stockholm
http://www.thespybar.com/

Speaking of animals, Pet Sounds Bar is the result of a hipster indie record store opening a hipster indie restaurant/bar. God only knows how many times I thought, wouldn’t it be nice to get drunk in a place named after a Beach Boys album?
Skånegatan 80
116 37 Stockholm
http://www.petsoundsbar.se/

If you would like to go into a dark cave, sit on a red couch, and drink theme beverages such as “Vlad the Impaler”, then head over to Vampire Lounge. People are fucking freaks and I could not be more excited about it.
Östgötagatan 41
116 25 Stockholm

Shop Stockholm

2010-05-07T15:30:00.002-04:00

Here is where I list places.

Weekday is a concept store by the designer of the uber hip line Cheap Monday. I usually buy my Cheap Mondays at Alter in Brooklyn, but if I find myself in Stockholm, I will be sure to swing by.
Olofsgatan 1
11136 Stockholm
www.weekday.se

If wearing some randoms used clothing does not skeeve you out, hit up Modern Retro. It apparently has some super cool vintage clothing and freaky looking mannequins.
Wollmar Yxkullsgatan 9, Stockholm
http://www.modernretro.net/

H & M is on every corner in NYC. If you feel compelled to visit their flagship store, and keep up with a Kardashian, here it be:
Sergelgatan 1
11157 Stockholm
www.hm.com

Kulturhuset (known as “the House of Culture”) is a freaky looking building that contains a theatre, art exhibition space, a library, a children's library, several cafés, and a rooftop nightclub. Plus more stuff.
7, Sergels torg
103 27 Stockholm
www.kulturhuset.stockholm.se

I am normally not allowed to encourage places that make people fat. But as I previously mentioned, Swedish fish is a national symbol. Godislagret is a candy store that stocks this delicious chewy treat, plus 200 other types of sweets. Just go and eat it. Don't be racist.
Skånegatan 47
1116 37 Stockholm

Eat Stockholm

2010-05-07T15:24:00.007-04:00

When looking up restaurants for the band, I generally focus on two things: vegetarian friendly and serves booze. Another bonus is if they have an..... eclectic clientele.

According to the internet, which NEVER lies, Lao Wai is the best vegetarian restaurant in Stockholm. It serves vegan Chinese food. So that’s cool.
Luntmakargatan 74
113 51 Stockholm
http://www.laowai.se/index_en.html

If all you ever wanted to do in life was to eat at a coffee shop in Stockholm surrounded by hipsters, you should go to Cafe String. It is good to have goals. Mine is to one day be able to perform a split.
Nytorgsgatan 38
116 40 Stockholm
www.cafestring.com

My favorite kind of food is the kind that is so hot you can feel your face burning off. Koh Phangan is a Thai restaurant that offers face burning services. It is a proven fact that if you eat food so hot that sweat comes out of your nose, you lose 10 pounds. You heard it straight from my dead taste bud-filled mouth. Plus, at Koh Phagan you get to choose if you want to eat your food in hut or a tuk tuk.
Skånegatan 57
116 37 Stockholm
http://www.kohphangan.se/

When I was growing up, my parents would bribe me to score soccer goals by tempting me with a night out at The Sizzler . I am a sucker for an all-you-can eat salad bar with a sneeze guard.

Which brings me to Hermans, a slightly classier establishment which offers a large all-vegetarian buffet that uses only organic ingredients. It also boasts a kick ass hilltop view of the water. They even have hammocks.
Fjällgatan 23
116 28 Stockholm
http://www.hermans.se/

Hornstull Strand is a venue where you can party all night in the bar, pass out in the bathroom, wake up the next day and head right over to the all-you-can-eat waffle brunch buffet.
Hornstulls Strand 4
11739 Stockholm
www.hornstullstrand.se

Another place to eat pancakes and veggie omelets is Café Sirap. They probably do not allow you to pass out in the bathrooms here. Or maybe they do. I hear the Swedes are neutral like that. Oh wait. That's Switzerland. Fuck.
Surbrunnsgatan 31A
11348 Stockholm
www.cafesirap.se

Stockholm, Sweden

2010-05-07T10:26:00.001-04:00

If you are like me, when you think of Stockholm, you think: kidnapped victims who experience a psychological shift that can cause an emotional (sometimes sexual) bond with their captors.

Then you think swedish fish.

Further research may be required. Stay tuned for updates on places to eat, drink, and shop.